The Film Industry During Cold War

Introduction From 1946, the cold war affected almost all aspects of the world’s social, economic, political and cultural life (Quart Albert 214). In 1991, Sir Churchill announced the separation of the Soviet Union from the eastern satellite Nations (Reinhold, 85).Advertising We will write a custom essay sample on The Film Industry During Cold War specifically for you for only $16.05 $11/page Learn More This led to the birth of cold war which greatly influenced the film industry especially in American and in the Soviet Union (John Peter 451). In the United States for example, the film industry became a target for Un-American political and social film industry personalities. During the nineteen fifties, film personalities who failed to cooperate with the Hollywood film committee were blacklisted by the studios and worse still, some of them such as ‘the Hollywood Ten’ were made to serve a prison sentence (iMinds 2). The Film Industry d uring Cold War The ‘Hollywood Ten’ were screen play writers, film directors and producers. iMinds asserts that, â€Å"These 10 individuals had been summoned to appear before the congressional house committee that dealt with Un-American activities† (iMinds 1). The end of world war two marked the start of the cold war between the Unites States of America and the Soviet Union. The congressional house committee reflected the climate of fear created by the rise of communism and clash of ideologies, initially over the partition of Germany (iMinds 1). The committee existed to investigate the infiltration of Hollywood by communists in the belief that communist agents were planting propaganda in American movies (iMinds 1). It was illegal in America to join the communist party, and all the ten individuals had been members of the party at one time or another. The ‘Hollywood Ten’ were convicted of contempt of congress, and each of them sentenced to up to a year in prison and a fine of one thousand dollars (iMinds 2).Advertising Looking for essay on cultural studies? Let's see if we can help you! Get your first paper with 15% OFF Learn More They were also blacklisted by Hollywood, and after serving their sentences, their only avenue for work was to leave America, or to work under pseudonyms (iMinds 2). The ‘Hollywood Ten’ cases was only the beginning. As the blacklist grew, it damaged the careers of hundreds of American artists. Many artists were forced to betray their friendships and their principles in order to continue working, and ideological censorship was promoted across the film industry in USA (iMinds 2). The film industry was co-opted into this hysteria (iMinds 2). The screen actors Guild, led by Ronald Reagan, who later became the United States president, voted to make its officers swear a non-communist pledge in 1944 (iMinds 2). In the year 1950 the screen actors Guild started to make all its employees to take loyalty oath (iMinds 2). In 1952 the Screen Writer’s Guild authorized the studios to delete the credits of writers who failed to clear themselves before the congress (iMinds 2). Ironically three of the ‘Hollywood Ten’ had been members of the Guild when it was founded twenty years before (iMinds 2). The pending cases before HUAC committee finally came to an end (iMinds 2). They were able to prove that some communists held important jobs in the film industry, particularly as writers. However they failed to prove that the film industry was secretly spreading communist propaganda (iMinds 2). By 1960 the blacklisting began to die out. It was undermined by many different events (iMinds 3).Advertising We will write a custom essay sample on The Film Industry During Cold War specifically for you for only $16.05 $11/page Learn More One interesting case was that of John Henry Faulk (iMinds 3). He was a comedian blacklisted in a private publication and sacked by his employer (iMinds 3). He sued his employer behind the publication in 1957 (iMinds 3). The case dragged through the courts for years but in 1962, John Faulk won the case (iMinds 3). John Faulk’s legal outcome led to so many individuals threatening to sue that private firms against being blacklisted (iMinds 3). Before blacklist was history, it was already being played in films (iMinds 3). The most famous film dealing with the theme of the cold war was â€Å"On the Waterfront†, starring Marlon Brando (iMinds 3). This film was collaboration between director Elia Kazan and screen writer Buzz Shulberg with a plot that dealt with the issues of informers (iMinds 3). This film won academy awards in 1954 (iMinds 3). Types of Movies Released During Cold War Movies which were produced during the cold war era are documented and it is through what they exhibited that we individuals were informed about how the film industry responded to the external socia l pressures of the cold war and how the film industry reacted to it (Michael 173). External social pressure is very vital when evaluating the effects of cold war era on the film industry (Whitfield 42). The cold war era had started a long time before the film industry started getting affected by it. Many movies are produced based on the social events which take place at the time the movie scripts are formulated, therefore films that were produced during the cold war eventually reflected on ‘the garrison state mentality’ which surrounded many people’s minds during that time (Michael 173).Advertising Looking for essay on cultural studies? Let's see if we can help you! Get your first paper with 15% OFF Learn More The movies produced in the cold war era which had cold war theme, mainly conveyed information touching on America and Russia quest for power (Sayre 122). These movies included movies which deliberately contained anti-communist or anti-capitalism themes. Films in this category were concerned with effects of the cold war to Nations (Gaddis 24). They could best be referred to as propaganda films and were meant to convince the informed public regarding the objectives and strategies of global cold war conspiracy (Whitfield 56). These types of films were mostly directed from Moscow or Hollywood and were intended to underpin the American and Soviet Union’s ways of lives (Elaine 76). The themes in these movies were straight forward and depicted the forces locked in mortal combat. These movies are vital to the historian because of the information of propaganda contained in them (Melvin 88). Some of the movies in this category includes, â€Å"The Iron Curtain (1948)†, â€Å"I m arried a communist (1949)†, â€Å"I was communist for the FBI (1951)†, â€Å"The Conspirator (1950)† and â€Å"Walk East on Beacon (1952)† (Elaine 102). Conclusion In conclusion it can be asserted that, the cold war had a heavy social impact on the film industry. HUAC committee’s verdict in 1944 to black list any Communist party supporter in the USA, had posed a great challenges to the film industry but now that this challenge is long gone, the industry can continues to unleash blockbuster movies without any fear. It is obvious that the cold war era, continues to socially influence the scripting of themes in modern films. Works Cited Gaddis, John. The Long Peace: Inquiries into the History of the Cold War. New York: Oxford University Press, 1987. Print. iMinds. Hollywood Blacklist: The Arts. New York: iMinds Publishers, 2009. Print. John, Durham and Peter, Samson. Mass Communication and American Social Thought: Key Texts, 1919-1968. Oxford: Row-Man Littlefield, 2004. Print. May, Elaine. Home Ward Bound: American Families in the Cold War Era. New York: Basic Books, 1988. Print. Melvin, Small. â€Å"Buffoons and Brave Hearts: Hollywood Portrays the Russians, 1939- 1944.† California Rhetorical Quarterly (1973): 327-37. Print. Michael, Paris. From the Wright Brothers to Top gun: Aviation, Nationalism and Popular Cinema. Manchester: Manchester University Press, 1995. Print. Quart, Leonard and Albert, Auster. American Film and Society since 1945. New York: Praeger, 1991. Print. Reinhold, Wagnleitner. Coca-colonization and the Cold War: the Cultural Mission of the United States in Austria after the Second World War. Chapel Hill: University of North Carolina Press, 1994. Print. Sayre, Nora. Running time: Films of the Cold War. New York: Dial Press, 1982. Whitfield, Stephen. The culture of the Cold War. Baltimore: The Johns Hopkins University Press, 1996. Print. This essay on The Film Industry During Cold War was written and submitted by user Lennon N. to help you with your own studies. You are free to use it for research and reference purposes in order to write your own paper; however, you must cite it accordingly. You can donate your paper here.

Sample of GED Essay Test

Sample of GED Essay TestA sample of the GED essay test is essential in preparing for the test. It is very difficult to prepare for an exam when you are not familiar with what to expect and what to prepare for. There are many techniques that will help prepare a student for the exam, so it is important to have a sample test in hand in order to get a feel for what questions are likely to be asked.The sample should contain several questions that will vary in difficulty and style. The student should be able to get a feel for the exam format and style before taking the actual exam. The sample should contain numerous different writing situations that the student will encounter in the real exam.The sample should also contain an extensive amount of background material to supplement the question that the student has about the material that they will be required to write about. The student should be able to get an idea of the structure of the essay by getting an idea of the structure of the wri tten exam. This will give the student more of an idea of what they are likely to write about and what to expect.As the student prepares for the actual exam, they should begin writing as soon as possible. It is important to be on time in order to maximize their writing skills for the actual exam. It is also important to be as organized as possible in preparation for the written exam.They should not be overly concerned with their skills on writing at this point. The purpose of the sample is to get a feel for the type of exam that they may face at the time. By doing this, the student will be able to write effectively at this point and concentrate on the main components of the essay rather than on the way that they are writing.In addition to writing samples, there are some practice tests that the student can take prior to taking the actual GED essay test. This will help them get more practice with the format of the actual exam and the exam format that they will face. Many students who a re not too familiar with taking tests find that these practice tests are extremely helpful.When taking the actual GED essay test, the student should spend as much time as possible studying. One of the most important parts of a successful essay is the ability to communicate one's thoughts clearly and concisely. Without a strong command of the English language, there is no chance that the student will be able to communicate their thoughts clearly and concisely.The student should spend time researching how to write the essay. The student should be able to understand the most common kinds of essay format. By understanding the best ways to approach the topic of the essay, the student will be well prepared for the actual written exam.

Praseodymium Facts - Element 59

Praseodymium Facts - Element 59 Praseodymium is element 59 on the periodic table with the element symbol Pr. Its one of the rare earth metals or lanthanides. Here is a collection of interesting facts about praseodymium, including its history, properties, uses, and sources. Praseodymium was discovered by Swedish chemist Carl Mosander in 1841, but he did not purify it. He was working on rare earth samples, which contain elements with such similar properties they are extremely hard to separate from each other. From a crude cerium nitrate sample, he isolated an oxide he called lantana, which was lanthanum oxide. Lantana turned out to be a mixture of oxides. One fraction was a pink fraction he called didymium. Per Teodor Cleve (1874) and Lecoq de Boisbaudran (1879) determined didymium was a mixture of elements. In 1885, Austrian chemist Carl von Welsbach separated didymium into praseodymium and neodymium. Credit for the official discovery and isolation of element 59 is generally given to von Welsbach.Praseodymium gets it name from the Greek words prasios, which means green, and didymos, which means twin. The twin part refers to the element being the twin of neodymium in didymium, while green refers to the color of the salt isolated by von Welsbach. Praseody mium forms Pr(III) cations, which are yellowish green in water and glass. In addition to the 3 oxidation state, Pr also occurs in 2, 4, and (unique for a lanthanide) 5. Only the 3 state occurs in aqueous solutions.Praseodymium is a soft silver-colored metal that develops a green oxide coating in air. This coating peels or spalls off, exposing fresh metal to oxidation. To prevent degradation, pure praseodymium is typically stored under a protective atmosphere or in oil.Element 59 is highly malleable and ductile. Praseodymium is unusual in that it is paramagnetic at all temperatures above 1 K. Other rare earth metals are ferromagnetic or antiferromagnetic at low temperatures.Natural praseodymium consists of one stable isotope, praseodymium-141. 38 radioisotopes are known, the most stable being Pr-143, which has a half-life of 13.57 days. Praseodymium isotopes range from mass number 121 to 159. 15 nuclear isomers are also known.Praseodymium occurs naturally in the Earths crust at an abundance of 9.5 parts per million. It accounts for about 5% of the lanthanid es found in the minerals monazite and bastnasite. Seawater contains 1 part per trillion of Pr. Essentially no praseodymium is found in the Earths atmosphere. The rare earth elements have many uses in modern society and are considered extremely valuable. Pr gives a yellow color to glass and enamel. Around 5% of mischmetal consists of praseodymium. The element is used with other rare earths to make carbon arc lights. It colors cubic zirconia yellow-green and may be added to simulated gemstones to mimic peridot. Modern firesteel contains about 4% praseodymium. Didymium, which contains Pr, is used to make glass for protective eyewear for welders and glass blowers. Pr is alloyed with other metals to made powerful rare earth magnets, high strength metals, and magnetocaloric materials. Element 59 is used as a doping agent to make fiber optic amplifiers and to slow light pulses. Praseodymium oxide is an important oxidation catalyst.Praseodymium serves no known biological function. Like other rare earth elements, Pr exhibits low to moderate toxicity to organisms. Praseodymium Element Data Element Name: Praseodymium Element Symbol: Pr Atomic Number: 59 Element Group: f-block element, lanthanide or rare earth Element Period: period 6 Atomic Weight:  140.90766(2) Discovery: Carl Auer von Welsbach (1885) Electron Configuration: [Xe] 4f3  6s2 Melting Point:  1208  K  Ã¢â‚¬â€¹(935  Ã‚ °C, ​1715  Ã‚ °F) Boiling Point:  3403  K ​(3130  Ã‚ °C, ​5666  Ã‚ °F) Density:  6.77  g/cm3 (near room temperature) Phase: solid Heat of Fusion: 6.89 kJ/mol Heat of Vaporization:  331  kJ/mol Molar Heat Capacity:  27.20  J/(mol ·K) Magnetic Ordering: paramagnetic Oxidation States:  5, 4,  3, 2 Electronegativity:  Pauling  scale: 1.13 Ionization Energies: 1st:  527  kJ/mol2nd:  1020  kJ/mol3rd:  2086  kJ/mol Atomic Radius: 182 picometers Crystal Structure: double hexagonal close-packed or DHCP References Weast, Robert (1984).  CRC, Handbook of Chemistry and Physics. Boca Raton, Florida: Chemical Rubber Company Publishing. pp.  E110.Emsley, John (2011). Natures Building Blocks: An A-Z Guide to the Elements. Oxford University Press. ISBN 978-0-19-960563-7.Gschneidner, K.A., and Eyring, L., Handbook on the Physics and Chemistry of Rare Earths, North Holland Publishing Co., Amsterdam, 1978.Greenwood, Norman N.; Earnshaw, Alan (1997). Chemistry of the Elements (2nd ed.). Butterworth-Heinemann. ISBN 0-08-037941-9.R. J. Callow,  The Industrial Chemistry of the Lanthanons, Yttrium, Thorium and Uranium, Pergamon Press, 1967.

Brigadier General Nathaniel Lyon in the Civil War

Brigadier General Nathaniel Lyon in the Civil War Nathaniel Lyon - Early Life Career: The son of Amasa and Kezia Lyon, Nathaniel Lyon was born at Ashford, CT on July 14, 1818.   Though his parents were farmers, Lyon had little interest in pursuing a similar path.   Inspired by relatives who had served in the American Revolution, he instead sought a military career.   Gaining entry to West Point in 1837, Lyons classmates included John F. Reynolds, Don Carlos Buell, and Horatio G. Wright.   While at the academy, he proved an above average student and graduated in 1841 ranked 11th in a class of 52.   Commissioned as a second lieutenant, Lyon received orders to join the Company I, 2nd US Infantry and served with the unit during the Second Seminole War.   Nathaniel Lyon - Mexican-American War: Returning north, Lyon commenced garrison duty at Madison Barracks at Sacketts Harbor, NY.   Known as a tough disciplinarian with a fiery temper, he was court-martialed following an incident in which he beat a drunken private with the flat of his sword before hog-tying him and throwing him in jail.   Suspended from duty for five months, Lyons behavior led him to be arrested twice more prior to the beginning of the Mexican-American War in 1846.   Though he had concerns regarding the countrys motivation for war, he traveled south in 1847 as part of Major General Winfield Scotts army. Commanding a company in the 2nd Infantry, Lyon earned praise for his performance in the Battles of Contreras and Churubusco in August as well as received a brevet promotion to captain.   The following month, he sustained a minor leg wound in the final battle for Mexico City.   In recognition of his service, Lyon earned a promotion to first lieutenant.   With the end of the conflict, Lyon was sent to northern California to aid in maintaining order during the Gold Rush.   In 1850, he commanded an expedition sent to locate and punish members of the Pomo tribe for the deaths of two settlers.   During the mission, his men killed a large number of innocent Pomo in what became known as the Bloody Island Massacre. Nathaniel Lyon - Kansas: Ordered to Fort Riley, KS in 1854, Lyon, now a captain, was angered by the terms of the Kansas-Nebraska Act which permitted the settlers in each territory to vote to determine whether slavery would be permitted.   This resulted in a flood of pro- and anti-slavery elements into Kansas which in turn led to wide-ranging guerrilla warfare known as Bleeding Kansas.   Moving through the US Armys outposts in the territory, Lyon attempted to help keep the peace but steadily began supporting the Free State cause and the new Republican Party.   In 1860, he published a series of political essays in the Western Kansas Express which made his views clear.   As the secession crisis began following the election of Abraham Lincoln, Lyon received orders to take command of the St. Louis Arsenal on January 31, 1861. Nathaniel Lyon - Missouri: Arriving in St. Louis on February 7, Lyon entered a tense situation which saw the largely Republican city isolated in a mostly Democratic state.   Concerned about the actions of pro-secession Governor Claiborne F. Jackson, Lyon became allies with Republican Congressmen Francis P. Blair.   Assessing the political landscape, he advocated for decisive action against Jackson and enhanced the arsenals defenses.   Lyons options were hampered somewhat by Department of the West commander Brigadier General William Harney who favored a wait and see approach to dealing with the secessionists.   To combat the situation, Blair, through St. Louis Committee of Safety, commenced raising volunteer units comprised of German immigrants while also lobbying Washington for Harneys removal.         Though a tense neutrality existed through March, events accelerated in April following the Confederate attack on Fort Sumter.   When Jackson refused to raise the volunteer regiments requested by President Lincoln, Lyon and Blair, with permission from Secretary of War Simon Cameron, took it upon themselves to enlist the called for troops.   These volunteer regiments quickly filled and Lyon was elected their brigadier general.   In response, Jackson raised the state militia, part of which gathered outside the city at what became known as Camp Jackson.   Concerned about this action and alerted to a plan to smuggle Confederate weapons into the camp, Lyon scouted the area, and with the aid of Blair and Major John Schofield, devised a plan to surround the militia. Moving on May 10, Lyons forces succeeded in capturing the militia at Camp Jackson and began marching these prisoners to the St. Louis Arsenal.   En route, the Union troops were pelted with insults and debris.   At one point, a shot rang out which mortally wounded Captain Constantine Blandowski.   Following additional shots, part of Lyons command fired into the crowd killing 28 civilians.   Reaching the arsenal, the Union commander paroled the prisoners and ordered them to disperse.   Though his actions were applauded by those with Union sympathies, they led to Jackson passing a military bill which created the Missouri State Guard under the leadership of former governor Sterling Price.   Nathaniel Lyon - Battle of Wilson Creek: Promoted to brigadier general in the Union Army on May 17, Lyon assumed command of the Department of the West later that month.   A short time later, he and Blair met with Jackson and Price in an attempt to negotiate peace.   These efforts failed and Jackson and Price moved towards Jefferson City with the Missouri State Guard.   Unwilling to lose the state capital, Lyon moved up the Missouri River and occupied the city on June 13.   Moving against Prices troops, he won a victory at Booneville four days later and compelled the Confederates to retreat to the southwest.   After installing a pro-Union state government, Lyon added reinforcements to his command which he dubbed the Army of the West on July 2.   While Lyon encamped at Springfield on July 13, Prices command united with Confederate troops led by Brigadier General Benjamin McCulloch.   Moving north, this combined force intended to attack Springfield.   This plan soon came apart as Lyon departed the town on August 1. Advancing, he took the offensive with the goal of surprising the enemy.   An initial skirmish at Dug Springs the next day saw Union forces victorious, but Lyon learned that he was badly outnumbered.   Assessing the situation, Lyon made plans to retreat to Rolla, but first decided to mount a spoiling attack on McCulloch, who was encamped at Wilsons Creek, to delay the Confederate pursuit.   Attacking on August 10, the Battle of Wilson Creek initially saw Lyons command have success until its efforts were halted by the enemy.   As the fighting raged, the Union commander sustained two wounds but remained on the field.   Around 9:30 AM, Lyon was hit in the chest and killed while leading a charge forward.   Nearly overwhelmed, Union troops withdrew from the field later that morning.   Though a defeat, Lyons rapid actions in the preceding weeks helped keep Missouri in Union hands.   Left on the field in the confusion of the retreat, Lyons body was recovered by the Confederates and buried at a local farm.   Later recovered, his body was re-interred in his family plot in Eastford, CT where around 15,000 attended his funeral.   Ã‚   Selected Sources Civil War Trust: Nathaniel LyonState Historical Society of Missouri: Nathaniel LyonFirebrand in a Powder Keg

Remediation technologies Assignment Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 500 words

Remediation technologies - Assignment Example The pests have become more resistant to the crop and caterpillars are growing at an alarming rate. The caterpillars have invaded farms in large numbers and their growth is making an ecological imbalance in the ecosystem. The sizes of caterpillars have drastically changed. Each caterpillar is now larger and more destructive. Attempts to spray them with chemicals have been futile as they are more resistant to pesticides. Farmers who adopted the crop now depend more on pesticides than ever before and in turn pollute the environment on a larger scale. The nation is facing shortage of food after the pests destroyed large tracks of corn. To try to rehabilitate the environment that is being destroyed it is important to withdraw the GMO corns from the fields and apply Monitored Natural attenuation (Direitos). This will control the modification of caterpillar genes and in turn control their numbers. The move will also reduce the use of pesticide and reduce the levels of pollution in the environment. This method is suitable since the impact is not so big and it is the cheapest in rehabilitation. The method also does not require a lot of attention allowing the community to proceed with other economic activities. Direitos, Terra de. In historic ruling, Brazilian court bans release of Bayer GM corn. 13 March 2014. 15 April 2014

Case study Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 750 words - 9

Case study - Essay Example This may have been due to the personal relationships he had with them or a more secure way to protect his power. However continental AG did not appreciate this from Gruenberg, they became suspicious and feared he was not on there side, rather more, a traitor. This conflict if seen from continental’sside is a breach of ethical business conduct. Loyalty to ones organization and building trust for those you work for is one of the major stems of business ethics. To cover up and improve relations with Continental AG, Schaeffler offered new concepts and ideas on how they can, together, become more powerful and profitable. Schaeffler needed to satisfy the board of AG to further negotiate as this approval was necessary. Schaeffler made offers to support the continental AG in financial matters, Continental AG did keep negotiations very tight in the beginning and seemed very reluctant, but there sudden offer of shares came as a surprise to everyone. Continental had predicted the downfall of the automobile industry and it was in their interest to offer the shares to Schaeffler, it can be considered as a rather smart move. The new CEO K T Neumann unwisely made a statement which led to dropping in share prices; this announcement was solely made for the personal benefit of his own as he had already begun seeking a position elsewhere. This again can be seen as a breach of business ethics. From the above two examples we can see that people in this organization were merely seeking their own benefit and power. There is no sense of responsibility or morals when it comes to switching sides in business politics. Von Gruenberg, the chairman of the supervisory board, who was initially suspected of favoring the Schaeffler suddenly considers them to lead to a debt burden, this sudden change of attitude is termed as sabotage, as the Schaeffler were no t expecting it. There were various conflicts when it came to choosing

My Father Wasted His Life - I Will Not :: College Admissions Essays

My Father Wasted His Life - I Will Not    Why me? Nothing like this had ever even happened to me before. I was so shocked I could barely shed a tear. My life had been normal and uneventful and happy, and now it was turned upside down and I was lost. I remembered when I was a little kid and he would send me to my room for stealing those little sugar packets that were in a bowl hidden in the cupboard and eating them. I would get so mad and wish for him to disappear or die or leave and never come back. For some reason those thoughts were running through my head. Somehow I was trying to make myself believe that I was at fault and that I should have or could have done something to prevent what had just happened. I didn't know what to do. Was there anything I could do? Was this really true? How are we going to survive on my mom's paychecks alone? How will this affect my life? Then I saw them. They had just heard the news. They were screaming and crying. I wanted to scream and cry and give up and die, but I had to stay strong.    That was June 30, 2001. It is now October 24, 2002 and I still can't believe he's gone. Every morning when I wake up I walk out into the living room and expect to see him sitting in his chair reading a book, and every morning I feel a little twinge of pain when I realize he's not there. I don't think I will ever fully accept that he's gone but since his death I have accepted that it was not my fault. My father was an alcoholic and died of cirrhosis of the liver, an irreversible process that is the result of scar tissue replacing liver tissue due to extensive alcoholic consumption. The actual cirrhosis occurs when the liver contains too much scar tissue and suddenly stops functioning and the victim dies from internal bleeding and heart failure. Now that I look back I think I was trying to blame myself in order to protect my mom and my sister. I was trying to make it better for them because I knew they felt just as lifeless inside as I did. I wanted to be their strength, but it was so hard because I felt helpless and empty. My Father Wasted His Life - I Will Not :: College Admissions Essays My Father Wasted His Life - I Will Not    Why me? Nothing like this had ever even happened to me before. I was so shocked I could barely shed a tear. My life had been normal and uneventful and happy, and now it was turned upside down and I was lost. I remembered when I was a little kid and he would send me to my room for stealing those little sugar packets that were in a bowl hidden in the cupboard and eating them. I would get so mad and wish for him to disappear or die or leave and never come back. For some reason those thoughts were running through my head. Somehow I was trying to make myself believe that I was at fault and that I should have or could have done something to prevent what had just happened. I didn't know what to do. Was there anything I could do? Was this really true? How are we going to survive on my mom's paychecks alone? How will this affect my life? Then I saw them. They had just heard the news. They were screaming and crying. I wanted to scream and cry and give up and die, but I had to stay strong.    That was June 30, 2001. It is now October 24, 2002 and I still can't believe he's gone. Every morning when I wake up I walk out into the living room and expect to see him sitting in his chair reading a book, and every morning I feel a little twinge of pain when I realize he's not there. I don't think I will ever fully accept that he's gone but since his death I have accepted that it was not my fault. My father was an alcoholic and died of cirrhosis of the liver, an irreversible process that is the result of scar tissue replacing liver tissue due to extensive alcoholic consumption. The actual cirrhosis occurs when the liver contains too much scar tissue and suddenly stops functioning and the victim dies from internal bleeding and heart failure. Now that I look back I think I was trying to blame myself in order to protect my mom and my sister. I was trying to make it better for them because I knew they felt just as lifeless inside as I did. I wanted to be their strength, but it was so hard because I felt helpless and empty.